today is friday.
the psychologist said
"doesn’t it alarm you?"
"that you choose to spend your fridays alone."
it is 10:54 pm.
i am sitting on my queen sized bed.
in the middle.
with six blankets on top of me.
each with a different texture. each with a different pattern.
my head pounds.
my hands shake.
my eyes close and then open. and close and then open.
as if trying to escape vision.
or at least, my current vision.
one hour. and 6 minutes.
my mind tells my mind.
it is 12 am.
i pull back the heaviest blanket,
which has japanese flowers caked all over it.
and dark stains from the numerous times
i’ve spilled hot chocolate.
the light blankets float off, and the moonlight carries them to the floor.
i climb out of the warmth,
onto the hard ice floor.
i pull back the long silk curtains.
and stare at the streetlamp, glowing in the distance.
i wrap my right arm around my ribs.
and my left arm around my neck.
i bite my lip.
i reach the door to my room.
there is already light
permeating the cove
through the tiny crack beneath the door.
without further thought
i open it.
light pours on me from every angle
i am thrown to the ground in utter astonishment.
mist explodes from the foyer below
and flows through the entire expanse of my vision.
my heart beats fast
but i don’t even feel it.
all i can see are the bold colors
eating at my mind
consuming my desires
this is all we need.
all we want.
i lay down in the hall where i’m standing.
and slide next to the rails
the one reminder
that i am not allowed to enter.
i am not allowed to fall into this majestic world.
because i am human.
i am only a 16 year old
and i am stuck on earth.